Arguments about money are one of the strongest predictors for divorce
Money is something we all have to deal with. We have to pay rent, healthcare, childcare and much more. When you live alone and don’t have anyone to answer to, things are relatively easy. But when you live with your partner, you have to navigate the struggles that come with paying for things together. And that can lead to arguments. With these tips, you will stop arguing about money and live a happier life because of it!
What is important?
First, you need to sit down with your partner and talk about the things that are most important to you. Emily Bond, a Houston-based literary publicist, says that her and her partner don’t argue over the things that are most important. She told Real Simple: “[We] don’t debate over necessities like childcare, internet costs, insurance, energy bills, [and] those sorts of things. That’s after fighting about all of those things and realizing, with childcare especially, that it’s better for everyone to have these things fully covered and not debated.” So, make a list of the things that are in your top 10 of ‘spend-worthy’ purchases. Those should include things that help keep you healthy and save, like housing and food, but they could also include things you find important like a membership for a club or the money you spend with friends.
Just figure out what is most important to the both of you and decide which costs aren’t as important. Like that frappuccino you always get, or the twenty different streaming services you pay for. If it is not on your necessities-list, then it will be easier to cut costs when needed.
Change the mindset
According to Lisa Johnson, UK-based business strategist and entrepreneur, your money mindset matters. She told Real Simple: “The attitudes that we have towards money and what we believe about money are made as we grow up.” And those attitudes shape how you behave with and around it. If you have always learned that money is hard to come by and that you have to work really hard to get it, you can live your life by those rules. Johnson always told herself that people “like her” shouldn’t make a lot of money. She said that she told herself: “…people from where I come from [in public housing] don’t earn seven figures.” And that kept her from making money. Until she changed that mindset.
Other attitudes towards money could be about how much women should earn compared to men, whether money is something that you shouldn’t discuss, that money equals worth or attitudes about the earnings and stability of certain kinds of jobs. Like freelancing. If you figure out your money mindset, you can actually change the way you perceive money and change the way you behave around it. And that might keep you from arguing about it too.
Is it really about money?
Another important thing to figure out, is whether your argument really is about money. Because money can function as a metaphor for other issues. If you don’t trust your partner, you could show this by tracking their spending and counting every copper. If you are someone who feels anxious about money, you might take that out on your partner who is a little more relaxed when it comes to spending their cash. All of these things are cause for arguments about money when they’re actually about an underlying issue. So, try and figure out what is really bothering you when you feel like starting an argument with your partner when they buy something nice.
With these tips, your arguments about money will be a thing of the past and your relationship will benefit from it!
Source: Real Simple | Image: Unsplash, Mathieu Stern